


Sunflower Petals

by Natalie_13Stories



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Chatting & Messaging, Clay is an exasperated parent in this lol, Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Hanahaki Disease, Humor, M/M, Pining, Supernatural Elements, Texting, Yeah you read that right, You’ll see, lots of friendship - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-22 15:01:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22717879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Natalie_13Stories/pseuds/Natalie_13Stories
Summary: Hanahaki disease: A disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one sided love. It can be cured through surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, the victim's romantic feelings for their love also disappear.Or, in which Alex has hanahaki for his best friend. It sucks.
Relationships: Clay Jensen & Alex Standall, Jessica Davis & Alex Standall, Zach Dempsey/Alex Standall
Comments: 2
Kudos: 89





	Sunflower Petals

**Author's Note:**

> Hah, you thought I was gone, did you? Well, I came back. If you haven’t read anything from me before, hi! Anyways, originally I was going to make a sweet, fluffy little Valentine’s Day fic about a cute date to the arcade, but then I was like,
> 
> HAHAHAHAHA no I want to make people suffer.
> 
> If you didn’t notice, I did waaay too much research for this fic. I wanted to make it at least kind of realistic. This fic is very different from what I usually write, but I wanted to try something new. It’s a zalex story but I just had to add some nice friendship moments in there, because I’m a sucker for that kind of stuff. Hope you enjoy! ❤️

It all happens on a late Friday night. 

Which is a bit odd, because most bad things that happen to Alex usually occur on Mondays and Thursdays, but that’s when it happens. 

The group is having another one of their monthly sleepovers (No one knows who started it, but he thinks it was probably Sheri’s idea) It’s night time, but no one in the room seems to be tired. In fact, they seem to be the opposite. From across the room, “Don’t Stop Believing,” is blaring loudly from someone’s phone, while everyone is either watching or singing along. Alex sits on one of the chairs in the room, a small grin on his face as he watches Zach attempt to hit a high note and fail, voice cracking half way through as he falls to the floor, exhausted from all of the singing and dancing he had done.

The song comes to an end.

There’s a mixture of both cheering and laughter around the room as Clay (The only other person in their friend group besides Alex that is actually pretty good at karaoke) goes up to pick another song. 

“Clay,” Justin calls, “Make sure to pick that one song I told you about.”

At first, the boy only looks back at his brother in confusion, but he seems to remember what song he must’ve been talking about, because a few seconds a song begins the play.

It’s a romantic, slow dancing song.

Slowly, people start getting up. Justin grins and quickly makes his way over to Jess, who’s sitting besides Alex on a small chair. He offers her his hand, and when she takes it, leads her over to the “dance floor.” (Which is a really just an empty space of room they managed to find next to the bed) After that, the rest of the group follow shorty after, with Tony and his boyfriend pairing together and Sheri and Clay joining the other two afterwards. The others who aren’t dancing start to head out of the room, either taking a moment to get some food downstairs in the kitchen or get ready for bed.

For a moment, Alex is alone, watching the three pairs dance with each other as he listens to the calming music. It’s a pretty cliche song, and he hears it quite often at school dances and on Valentine’s Day. He’s been to plenty of school dances before, but for some reason the dance parties that happen at the Jensen household seem to be much more fun. 

Maybe it’s because of the company. Maybe it’s because of the music. Maybe they just have better food. Either way, he feels a lot more comfortable here than at any school dance, listening to the music and watching his group of friends. (Actual friends, unlike the ones he had last year. Thank god) He continues to think in silence, becoming so lost in thought that he doesn’t even notice when Zach silently takes a seat next to him until he clears his throat, making the shorter boy jump a bit in surprise. 

“Shit! Sorry. I was just lost in thought.”

“Oh, it’s fine,” He replies, “I just wanted to bring you some candy.”

He gives him a grateful smile, taking the small bag of candy, “My savior. Thank you.” 

“No problem. So…what were you thinking about?” 

“Just wondering why the dances we have here are like, 10 times better than the ones we have at our school.”

“Well, maybe it’s because we feel more feel here.”

“Or, maybe it’s because we’re not being surrounded drunk assholes.” Alex answers.

He laughs quietly, “Yeah, I guess you’re right about that.” They’re both silent for a moment, watching the rest of the group slow dance in the dimly lit bedroom while they snack on their candy. It’s getting late, and most of their friends have left to go to bed. 

They spend the next hour talking about anything and everything, even when all the others have the left the room and the music has stopped. It’s ridiculously easy talking to Zach. They don’t even realize there’s no one left until they their conversation stops, and they look around the room only to see no one there. 

“It must be pretty late right now…is everyone asleep?” 

Alex takes a look at his phone and shrugs, “It’s only 11:30. The dancing must’ve exhausted them. That, or they’re just talking right now.”

The other nods, quickly glancing at his phone before looking back at the shorter boy, “So…you wanna dance?”

He laughs, “Really? Sure, but aren’t you exhausted?”

“Hey, my coach has always said I have great stamina.” 

“You tried singing “Don’t Stop Believing” today while dancing and immediately dropped to the ground when the song ended.”

“Well, you’re the one who was playing twister and got so tired that you ended up falling on top of Jessica.”

“Touché.”

“So…dancing. Yes or no?”

He’s silent for a moment, thinking. He’s kind of tired…but dancing does sound kind of fun, and he doesn’t want to go to bed yet. After all, it is a Friday

Finally, he gives him a small smile, “Okay, but just one song though. Make sure not to play it too loudly. I don’t want to wake up the others up if they actually are trying to sleep.”

The end up playing five songs, and by the end they’re both panting as if they’ve just run a marathon and grinning so hard their cheeks hurt a little bit. They both lay on the carpet floor, exhausted and breathing heavily as they look up at the empty ceiling above them. Slowly, Zach turns to the other. 

“You know…I could do this every night and not get bored of it.”

And that’s the exact moment he realizes, holy shit he’s in love with Zach.

Zach. Zach fucking Dempsey. His friend. His best friend. His more than likely straight best friend. The boy who was able to help him get back up again after the tapes and everything they’ve been through. The boy who he’s spent hours and hours talking to on the phone and playing video games with even on school nights. The boy who he has literally slow danced with. (Sure, it was only for practice, but it still happened) 

A boy who he probably could never confess to because one, it could ruin their entire friendship, and because two, there is no way he could like him back. Absolutely no way. 

Fuck.

He’s so dead. 

~~~~~~~~~~

When Alex said that he was dead, he didn’t  _ actually  _ think he was going to be dying because of some stupid, high school crush.

At 5:03 in the morning, Alex wakes up. It’s dark, and at first he doesn’t even understand why he woke up in the first place.

Until he starts feeling a pain in his chest. 

He tries to ignore it, but it feels like he’s choking. There’s a burning itch in his throat and he feels like his chest is going to explode in any second. He can hardly breathe, his chest tightening as he stands up, quickly moving towards the closest bathroom.

  
He feels his throat fill with something soft before he hunches over the bathroom toilet and starts to cough uncontrollably, wet, blood covered petals falling from his lips as his eyes fill with tears. He coughs, letting even more thin, bright yellow petals fall to the floor. Finally, it stops, and leans against the bathroom sink, wiping his tears and clearing his throat and looks around the petal filled room. He picks up a small petal from the floor and examines it carefully.

Sunflower petals. 

_ Of course they would be sunflower petals.  _

~~~~~~~~~~

He ends up doing some research on the Internet the day after he finishes cleaning and hiding the petals in the bathroom, and he gets quite a lot of information on the topic.

** Hanahaki disease: A disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one sided love. It only ends when the beloved returns their feelings (romantic love only; strong friendship is not enough), or when the victim dies. It can be cured through surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, the victim's romantic feelings for their love also disappear. **

Turns out, the disease is actually pretty rare (Lucky him!) and most people only know about because of badly made romance movies and tv shows. Heck, the only reason why Alex even knows about it is because of the books Clay occasionally shows him and because of the stories he’s heard about it. Most cases aren’t life threatening, but there’s a few that can be, so he’s still pretty worried about it. 

There seems to be no other cure besides surgery, however the surgery will not only will it take away the petals, but in order for it to work they will also have totake away his feelings for the boy. Apparently there’s a group of doctors in New York trying to find a better and more affordable cure, but apparently they haven’t found much yet. 

He continues to do his research. Mostly, he just finds a couple of stories about famous people who’ve suffered from the disease, and even a few who’ve actually died from it. Though dying from the disease, isn’t very common, as most people are willing to sacrifice their feelings in exchange for not choking to death, there’s still a few who die. This is most commonly because the surgery ends up not working or because the disease grew very rapidly over a short period of time. There’s also a couple of websites that offer support groups and give advice for people on how to make the symptoms lessen. Slowly, he clicks on a pretty trustworthy looking article and reads some of the advice that’s listed on there. 

** 10 Pieces Of Advice For Dealing With Hanahaki  **

** Coming From Past Survivors and the NHDF (National Hanahaki Disease Foundation)  **

** 1\. Drink lots of water **

** Drinking water can help you clear out your throat, so try bringing a bottle of water wherever you go. Snacks and other food can help you as well.  **

** 2\. Create a schedule **

** Hanahaki disease is different for each person, however studies show that the petals will become more frequent over time. Most people take bathroom breaks every 4-6 hours, but it all depends on many factors, such as your age, the petals you have and how severe the hanahaki you have is. Ask and consult your doctor for advice and possible treatment. **

** See example of a schedule  here **

** 3\. Tell a trusted friend, family member or adult  **

** Telling a trusted friend, family member or adult can help make dealing with your illness much easier. Being able to have someone to talk to about your feelings has been proven to help, so don’t be afraid to speak out.  **

** See article on: How To Tell Someone You Have Hanahaki and What To Do When A Loved One Has Hanahaki  **

** 4\. Talk with others who can relate  **

** Talking with others people who have had or are currently diagnosed with hanahaki can help you gain advice and give you more support during this emotional time. You can find support groups on our website and go to meetings to meet others who can relate to you. **

** Find local support groups and meetings on the official hanahaki support website  here .  **

** 5\. Get plenty of rest **

** It can be physically and emotionally exhausting spending your day trying to swallow down your petals, so sleeping can allow you a time to relax and clear your head. Sleeping will also make you more energized and ready for the day. **

** See article on: How To Sleep Better (Tips, Advice and Recommendations From Experts) **

** 6\. Let the tears out **

** Crying for a long period of time can release endorphins. These chemicals can help ease both physical and emotional pain. Oxytocin can give you a sense of calm or well-being. This is just one example of how crying can help soothe and calm people down. **

** See article on: The Benefits Of Crying  **

** 7\. Confess **

** Confessing to the person you have romantic feelings for is a scary process, but even if all seems hopeless, there’s always a chance that your feelings are actually requited. Studies show that the hanahaki disease is based on what you believe, not what is the truth, so many have believed their love was unrequited when they actually are requited. Even if you’re rejected, the confession can give you the strength you need to move on **

** 8\. Move on with your life **

** Make a bucket a list. Travel the world. Find a new hobby. Spend time with your friends and family. Start making goals. Focus on you. Don’t let an unrequited crush get to you. Move on with your life.  **

** See article on: Moving On From Hanahaki: My Story (Audio book version now available on Amazon)  **

** 9.Find out the meaning to your flowers  **

** Though doing this will not help cure your disease, finding the meaning of your petals can be pretty helpful, as they often represent the person you love and your relationship with them **

** Visit the website  www.hanahakiflowermeaning  to find more information on your flower petals and what they could possibly symbolize and represent.  **

** 10\. Consider Surgery  **

** As you may know, surgery not only takes away the petals, but also your feelings. Though many people refuse to have there feelings taken away because of personal reasons, it’s often  inevitable.  **

** If you have any questions or want more information, call 248-434-5508 and talk to one of professionals today. You can also send us a message on the official hanahaki support website or ask your doctor or someone who specializes in the study of hanahaki. **

~~~~~~~~~~

He doesn’t want to get the surgery. 

It’s not like he  wants  to die or anything like that. He’s much more happier now, with a supportive friend group and people that love and care about him. It’s just that he simply can’t imagine a world without loving Zach. He doesn’t want to look at the other boy and not feel warm and fuzzy on the inside. He doesn’t want to lose him.

He can’t lose him.

He’ll get over his crush. One day. Eventually. He has to. So he finally makes his decision. No matter how painful it is. No matter how long he’ll have to live swallowing down the petals on a daily basis. No matter how many times he’ll have to run to the bathroom in the middle of the night, rushing to the bathroom toilet and coughing to stop the burning pain in his lungs. 

He won’t get the surgery. 

~~~~~~~~~~

** www.hanahakiflowermeaning **

** What do sunflowers symbolize? **

** Sunflowers:Sunflowers symbolize adoration, loyalty and longevity. Much of the meaning of sunflowers stems from its namesake, the sun itself. Sunflowers are known for being “happy” flowers **

** To find more about sunflowers and what they could possibly mean in your life, click  here for more information.  **

~~~~~~~~~~

For the first two weeks, he’s perfectly fine. 

Absolutely no issues at all. 

Okay, maybe he has a few issues, but he’s doing perfectly fine. Yeah, occasionally he’ll feel the urge to swallow down the petals in his chest, and sometimes he’ll wake up in the middle of the night and run over to the bathroom in order to stop himself from choking to death, but other than that, there’s no other issues.

He’s perfectly fine. 

Who is kidding? He feels miserable.

He has to drink water. Constantly. He’s been bringing three water bottles a day to school and his mom is starting to question why he has to bring so much water, not to mention he has to take a lot of bathroom breaks throughout the day. His friends and classmates are also starting to get a bit suspicious. Yesterday, while he was having a conversation with Justin he suddenly felt himself choke on a handful of petals, and when the boy looked at him with concern and asked what was wrong, he made up some excuse and continued as if everything was fine. 

But the worse part of it isn’t even the petals or the actual disease. 

It’s Zach.

Stupid Zach, who keeps on looking at him with those  beautiful big, concerned eyes and offering him water before asking him if he’s alright. Every time he smiles at him the petals in his throat and lungs grow more, and he ends up giving him a fake smile before making a quick excuse and running to the nearest bathroom, coughing and wheezing as petals pour from his lips.

Stupid Zach, the reason why he has the disease in the first place.

~~~~~~~~~~

** Zach: Alex **

** Zach: You okay?? **

** Alex: what?? **

** Zach: Idk you just seem off lately  **

** Zach: You can always talk to us **

** Zach: You know that, right? **

** Alex: of course **

** Alex: sorry just dealing with some stress and shit like that **

** Zach: I think you’re lying but alright  **

** Zach: I’m here if you need me, okay? All of us are. **

** Alex: thanks  **

** Zach: No problem  **

He can feel the petals in his throat and lungs grow larger. 

~~~~~~~~~~

He plans on talking to someone about it eventually.

It’s just that he doesn’t really want to. At least, not yet. He also hasn’t really found the right opportunity to tell anyone about it. Every time he considers telling them, he looks around and sees his friends, looking so genuinely happy and carefree that he just can’t ruin the moment. No way. After everything they’ve been through, his friends deserve a break. He can’t be burden to them. He refuses to give them another thing to stress about, especially after everything they’ve been through. 

He knows that eventually, he’ll have to talk to someone. He goes through his options, wondering who he should tell first. His mom is a nurse, and he knows that the moments she finds out about his disease she’ll demand him to get surgery, so she can’t be it. 

His dad’s a cop, so he’ll probably have an entire investigation to find out who Alex is love in with, so it can’t be him either. Clay would freak out, and he already has enough to deal with already, with getting a new brother and helping Tyler while at the same time trying to pass all his AP classes, so he can’t tell him. He can’t tell Justin, mainly because Justin is one of Zach’s closest friends and he’ll definitely tell him, not to mention Justin also is pretty bad at keeping secrets.

So, that only leaves Jess. 

And honestly, it makes sense. After all, he’s known her the longest out of everyone in their friend group, and he considers her to be a trustworthy person he can rely on when he needs support. Plus, she already knows about his crush, so he would have less explaining to do if she asked about how he got the disease in the first place.

He planned on telling her when they’re all in the cafeteria on Thursday. He had it all planned out. He was going to work up to her when everyone was distracted and tell her everything in private. Hopefully, no one would hear him and he would be able to explain the story to her without any trouble. 

Honestly, he really did plan on telling her. 

But on that Thursday morning, something happens. He wakes up and immediately feels a burning pain in his chest, feeling himself barely being able to breathe properly. He abruptly gets up, frantically pushing open the bathroom door. He can’t even get to the sink before he falls to his knees, hitting the floor cold ground as spit covered petals fall from his lips. Almost immediately after he starts coughing, his vision starting to get blurry as he wipes the tears forming in his eye. When the wheezing finally stops and he is able to see again, he takes slowly breathes and looks around the small bathroom room, bright, yellow sun flower petals around him and all over the tile floor.

There’s one thing he knows for sure. There is absolutely no way he is going to school today. Not unless he wants his secret to be found out. 

He feels more of the petals start to pile up in his throat before he begins to choke again. 

~~~~~~~~~~

** Alex:  don’t think i can go to school today **

** Zach:  Are you okay? What’s wrong?  **

** Jessica:  Did you get sick?  **

** Justin:  ???? **

** Sheri:  What happened?  **

** Tyler:  why not?  **

** Alex:  yeah i started coughing and my throat is feeling kinda sore **

** Alex:  also i just feel like garbage so Im probably not going to school today  **

** Zach:  Get better soon :(( **

** Clay:  We have a big test today in math, so you’ll have to do it once you get back.  **

** Justin:  WAIT **

** Justin:  WE HAVE A TEST IN MATH?!?! **

** Sheri:  Oh my gosh Justin **

** Tony: Sometimes I just cannot comprehend how you managed to make it past 6th grade without dying  **

** Clay:  Be right back. I have to help Justin study for the math test.  **

** Clay:  I’ll tell you if we have anything important at school though **

** Alex:  thanks  **

** Zach:  Go get some rest. You’ve seem pretty tired lately **

** Justin:  ^^ yeah. At least you get more time to study for the test **

** Tyler:  you are literally the only one in this chat who forgot about the test. **

** Jess:  ^^ Usually I would try to defend Justin, but yeah.  **

** Clay:  WE’VE LITERALLY HAD A MONTH TO STUDY FOR THIS TEST. **

** Justin:  shut up and help me study or else I’ll expose your fan fic account to the group chat **

** Jess:  WAIT WHAT **

** Tyler:  EXPOSED **

** Tony: As your best friend, I am quite offended that Justin knew about this before I did **

** Clay:  JUSTIN **

** Zach:  Why did I not know about this???  **

** Alex:  ASDFGHJKLZCLAY **

** Sheri:  JUSTIN PLEASE IT TO SHOW US I SWEAR I NEED TO SEE THIS  **

** Clay: oh woW LOOK AT THE TIME ITS GETTING REALLY LATE I SHOULD REALLY GET GOING BYEEEEE **

** Alex:  ITS SEVEN AM IN THE MORNING  **

** Justin:  CLAY JENSEN GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW **

~~~~~~~~~~

He spends the rest of that day swallowing down the sunflowers petals in his throat and sleeping in his bed, wrapped it in three different blankets. Occasionally, he’ll get a text from one of his friends complaining to him about their classes or sending him a picture of whatever new project they have at school. He checks his phone to see the messages in their group chat.

** Zach:  Good luck on your math test.  **

** Justin:  AHHHHHHHH  **

** Justin:  IM GONNA DIE IM GONNA DIE IM GONNA DIEEEEEE **

** Tony:  RIP Justin Foley.  **

** Jessica:  Cause of death: Math class **

** Sheri:  May his grades Rest In Peace.  **

** Justin:  ASWRDZCX MY GRADES ARE GOING TO SINK FASTER THAN THE TITANIC **

** Clay:  The titanic took approximately 2 hours and 40 minutes to completely sink.  **

** Tyler:  so your grades will die a slow and painful death.  **

** Justin: bOTH OF YOU ARE nOT hELPING mE IN THIS TIME OF DISTRESS **

** Alex:  justin your whole life story is a time of distress  **

** Sheri:  ^^ Mood  **

** Zach:  Yeah your screwed sorry **

** Justin:  ONCE AGAIN NOT HELPING  **

** Justin:  OH MY GOSH I SEE THE TEST I SEE IT I SEE IT **

** Justin:  TGHBNJTENSVXDFT **

** Zach:  You okay dude? **

** Tony:  I think he just died. **

~~~~~~~~~~

Despite the coughing and the petals slowly beginning to grow in his throat, he grins at the texts he sees on the chat. At least he feels a bit better having a group of friends who he knows will support him. Even if they constantly fill his phone with pointless texts and have no idea about his disease, he knows they’d be there for him. 

Later that night, his mother enters his room and gives him a cup of coffee and a small stack of get well soon letters, all of them from the group. (Apparently they created the letters during class, and Justin had purchased the coffee after school ended) Slowly, he picks up one of the letters and begins to read them one by one. 

It’s easy to tell who is who. Clay had decided to write his letter on a plain sheet of notebook paper, and he draws a little bunny on the note that Alex can easily recognize. The letter Jess made has drawings of bright red hearts and little flowers colored in with blue and purple flair pens. Tylers is simple. Just a photograph of the rest of the group smiling at the camera and a small note taped to the photo. 

He reads Zach’s letter last:

** Hey!  **

** I hope you get better soon. The drive to school was boring without you. It feels weird singing in the car alone now, and I need my driving buddy with me. Make sure you get some rest and drink a lot of water. I also recommend you watch some videos of puppies on Youtube (They won’t cure your sickness but they make me feel better, so…please do it. I rate it 5 stars) **

** I’ll text you later tonight after practice.  **

** P.S Also I hope you like the picture I attached. :) Good night  **

And attached to the letter is another photograph, only this time it’s just the two of them in the photo. The two of them are wearing matching ugly Christmas sweaters and are sitting close to each other, holding a cup of hot chocolate in their hands and looking at the camera, both with wide grins on their faces. Alex can remember that day perfectly. They were having an early Christmas party at the Jensen house. They spent the majority of the party obnoxiously singing Christmas songs and having a contest to make the ugliest Christmas sweater possible. (They won) He can remember the way the taller boy had smiled at him, eyes crinkling as he tried to tape a humongous, golden bow to the sweater while Alex poured some glitter on it. 

And just like that the petals come rushing back again like a flood, filling his lungs and making his chest ache in pain. He doesn’t even have time to run to bathroom, just starts coughing out petals as he gasps for air. 

After what feels like hours, the coughing finally stops. He looks around. Petals. So many dumb, stupid petals. He can’t take it anymore. He can’t. He needs to tell someone. Has to. He can’t last any longer. His parents are either at work or fast asleep, and so he calls the main person he trusts.

“Alex, what’s up?” 

He breathes a small sigh of relief when he hears Jess’s voice. She seems to notice something is wrong when the boy doesn’t respond immediately, because quickly she begins to speak again, only this time she sounds much more panicked than before, “Alex? Alex! You okay?

“Can you come over?” He asks, softly. For a moments, there’s no response, and just when he’s about to tell her that’s it’s fine if she can’t, she replies, “I‘ll be there as soon as possible.”

“Thank you.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“I have hanahaki.” He blurts immediately when he sees her. 

Silence. Jess looks shocked as she stands in front of the door, her eyes wide and her lips parted, completely silent. 

He quickly rushes to fill in the silence, “I was going to tell you, I swear, but then I didn’t want to make you guys even more stressed than you already were, and then I was going to tell you today but I got sick and then Zach gave me this letter an hour ago and then-“

“Hey, calm down. It’s okay. Just…start from the beginning. Okay?”

He starts at beginning, telling her how his crush on Zach started and when he got the disease. He then goes into more detail, telling her more about the hanahaki and how long he’s kept the truth from their group. He tells her everything, not even skipping the smallest of details and the more embarrassing parts of his story. It’s…uncomfortable, being able to speak so openly with someone and talking to them about his deepest secret, but it’s also a huge relief, and maybe that dumb website was right after all. And Jess, she listens, only interrupting when she ask him a question or occasionally expresses her own opinion on the topic.

“Why’d you keep this a secret from us?” She asks, once he’s finished explaining everything to her.

He shrugs, “I guess I just didn’t want to burden to you guys. You’ve already been through a lot.”

She sighs quietly, and gives him a sad look before replying, “Alex, you’re not a burden. Don’t say that about yourself.”

“Don’t lie, you know that I’ve-“

“Alex,” she interrupts him sternly, “We’re you’re friends. Friends help each other. It’s what they do. I don’t know what kind of relationship you had with Bryce and his other group of friends, but it was toxic. That’s not what friends do. We support each other, you got it?”

“Yeah, yeah. I got it.”

“Good. So…what are you going to do?”

“Honestly, I have no idea.”

“Alex, this is serious thing. You could die from this.”

“And you don’t think I already know that?! I  know  I could die from this, okay? I’m fully aware. It’s just that…I can’t lose my feelings for him. I can’t imagine living a life without feeling for him. I just can’t.”

“Have you considered confessing?” She asks. 

He stares back at her with eyes wide, “Are you crazy? That could ruin my friendship with him forever. I’m not risking that.” 

“It’s either that or surgery. There’s no other options you have. You either choose of those or you’ll-“

She doesn’t finish the sentence, but both of the, already know what she was about to say. 

One of those options, or he’ll die. 

Jess takes a step closer towards him before wrapping her arms around his neck, attempting to muffle her sniffles as she wipes away the tears that are in her eyes 

“I can’t lose you,” she murmurs softly, “Not again.” 

~~~~~~~~~~

Having hanahaki sucks.

Having a friend to help him through it all, however, makes it at least 5 times more bearable than before. The petals don’t stop, and neither does the coughing or the heartache. But now, it’s easier to deal with.Now, he has someone to bring him water to help him swallow down the petals in his throat when they start to become too much for him to handle. Now, when feels like he’s about to have a coughing a fit, he has someone there to offer him a cough drop and a amusing story to distract him. And now, when he looks at his best and feels heartache, knowing that he doesn’t love him back and the petals are a constant reminder of that, Jess is there to listen and offer him comforting hand on his shoulder and a hug.

Thank god.

Jess also happens to be a very protective friend, and advises him to avoid spending time with Zach as much as possible. It’s not like she hates the boy. In fact they’re actually pretty close friends. It’s just that she’s protective, and she’s noticed that the longer Alex spends with Zach, the worse the coughing and the petals get. 

He want to, but it starts to become painful spending time with him. So, he avoids him. It sucks. For both of them. He hates having to make up excuses to avoid hanging out with him, and when he actually is around him, he hates having to fake smiles and laughter with the boy while pretending he’s feeling great, when in reality the only thing he feels is pain and heartache as he tries to fight for air. At least he has Jess, who he’ll talk to for hours about the situation. She begs him to get surgery, but not only will it take away his feelings, but it’s expensive, and he’ll have to get it at least twice a year if his feelings still continue.

He considers telling another one of his friends about it, but he doesn’t want to give them anymore problems. 

He doesn’t want to be a burden.

But eventually, it becomes too much for him to handle, and he ends up crackingthe night before one of their sleepovers. He doesn’t think he can handle keeping it a secret for much long, but he also can’t imagine telling everyone in the group about the hanahaki. He ends up calling Jess, and she encourages him to tell Clay once everyone’s asleep. 

~~~~~~~~~~

“YOU HAVE WHAT?!?”

“Be quiet,” Alex hisses, “Anybody could wake up right now. You know Justin is a light sleeper!”

The boy ignores the interruption and continues, “Why didn’t you tell anybody sooner?”

“Well, I didn’t want to be a burden to any of you and you-“

“First of all, you are not a burden.”

“That’s what I said!” Jess exclaims.

“Second of all, you are  literally  killing yourself by keeping this from us! I’m pretty sure we are all willing to go through some trouble to make sure you stay alive,” He sighs before he quietly mutters, “We’re friends. We’re not supposed to keep secrets like this from each other. I thought we moved on from that.”

And Alex, well, he can’t help but feel a tiny bit of guilt after hearing that. he genuinely thought he was doing them a favor by not telling anyone. Apparently, they disagree.

“…Who’s the person you like?” Clay asks. 

He sighs before answering, “Zach.”

He watches the other boy’s eyes widen a bit while Jess laughs quietly at the look of shock on his face, “That’s…huh. Actually, now that I think about it, thatmakes a lot of sense. What’s the disease like?”

“It sucks,” Alex replies, “Like, I have to run to the bathroom every 4 hours to get all the petals out. Also I constantly struggle to breathe and can barely speak to people without coughing, so there’s that.”

“Well, guess that explains all the bathroom breaks you’ve been having.”

“I actually don’t know what kind of petals you have,” Jess says as she glances over at him, “What are they?”

“Sunflowers,” he responds.

“Of course they are.”

“How long has it been since you found out?”

“Maybe, three months?”

“THREE MONTHS?!”

“Clay, I swear if you shout like that again, not only will you wake somebody up, buy I will not hesitate to hit you with my cane.” 

~~~~~~~~~~

** Alex:  IM DYIN OH MY GOSH **

** Jess:  Of laughter or of hanahaki? **

** Alex:  technically both  **

** Alex:  okay so you know how I had to run to bathroom a while ago? and then Clay ran after me? **

** Jess:  Yeah. **

** Alex:  clay told me not to tell anyone this story. im sorry but this is way too funny for me not to tell **

** Alex:  okay so after I ran to the bathroom I rushed to a stall and forgot to lock it. then clay came running in, locked the stall and helped me deal with the petals and stuff. **

** Jess:  Uh huh  **

** Alex:  a few minutes later we come out of the stall, looking like disasters  **

** Alex:  and suddenly this poor kid comes in just as we come out of the SAME stall **

** Alex:  takes one look at our messed up hair and is like, **

** Alex:  “am I interrupting something?” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) **

** Jess:  KIJSKSKKSS **

** Alex:  AND THEN HE WINKS AT US AND IS LIKE, “Have fun. Use protection ;)” AND I SWEAR CLAY ALMOST FAINTED IT WAS HILARIOUS  **

** Jess:  I’m sorry, but that is hilarious **

~~~~~~~~~~

The week after he manages to confess everything about the hanahaki to Clay, he gets a whole mountain of texts from the boy, all messages about tips for dealing with hanahaki. The tips are actually pretty helpful, and he feels better knowing he has an extra person to talk to and someone to help him clean the petals that are covering his bedroom floor. (It gets annoying doing it so often) 

He also, however, texts him a giant paragraph full of questions the boy has. Sometimes, he’ll text him at random times through out the day with a question. The two of them and Jess end up making a group chat to ask and answer questions. 

** Clay:  How do the petals come out? Do you like, vomit it all out or cough it slowly?  **

** Alex:  depends on how long I’ve been holding it. most of the time they just come out in small piles after I cough, but if I’ve been holding it in for a long time I kinda puke it out **

** Alex:  kinda gross tbh. the petals are bloody and full of spit.  **

** Clay:  Interesting  **

** Clay:  Do you know how the disease started in the first place? Is it caused by something other than romantic feelings? Are some people more likely to get it than others? Who was the first person who got it? And why petals? Why do they only come up when your love in unrequited? **

** Alex:  lol I’m not google clay.  **

** Jess:  I googled it and apparently nobody knows. **

** Clay:  Google says that most people think it’s from some parasitic organism that releases this pollen that you can inhale, and it leaves this seed that grows kinda feeds on your emotions, though nobody knows how the parasite knows when a love is unrequited. Others say it’s because of a curse. The age range is wide. It’s a fairly new disease. **

** Jess:  The first person who got it was some dude in Massachusetts. **

** One evening, Alex also admits to not wanting to get surgery any time soon, and later that night he gets a few texts asking about it.  **

** Clay:  So if you get surgery, does it get rid of your memories of the person as well or just your feelings?  **

** Alex:  depends. for some, mixture of both. apparently the parasite can go to your brain and it can like, alter your hormones and stuff. the parasite grows rapidly, so if you don’t completely get rid of your feelings the petals will still keep growing. it needs your unrequited love to survive.  **

** Jess:  How do you even get rid of the feelings? And how much does it cost to get surgery and how exactly does it work? **

** Alex:  they have these pills and drugs. apparently they’re supposed to like, alter your hormones to make your feelings go away. the surgery just gets rid of the parasite. I heard it’s painful.  **

** Clay:  I think they’re called anti love drugs or something? Google it. It’s kinda interesting. They reduce oxytocinSometimes it doesn’t work, and people have to go therapy and talk about moving on with therapists and stuff. They’re also highly addictive and kinda expensive, so… **

** Alex: don’t forget they taste like shit (never tried one before, but I heard they taste terrible)  **

** Alex:  Idk the price of surgery but it’s expensive, and that’s not including price of the drugs or any future visits to the hospital I’ll have to take.  **

** Oh, and puns. He also gets a lot of stupid flower puns.  **

** Alex:  UGGGHHH IM GONNA FAIL THIS CLASS I SWEAR **

** Jess:  ** **Don’t worry Alex, you’ll do great**

** Clay:  I guess you could say we’re....rooting for you  **

** Alex:  ffs  **

** Jess:  Or we could say, we be-leaf in you  **

** Alex has kicked Jess out of the chat  **

Clay is also happens to be almost equally as protective as Jess. (If not, than possibly even more) They both freak out over the smallest of coughs, even when Alex insists he’s fine, though he appreciates how much they both care. They also are both constantly offering him bottles of water and make sure he’s following his schedule. Looks like that website was right, again. Maybe he should start following their tips more. 

When they see him rush to the bathroom, Clay will quickly run after him and help him clean the petals on the floor. (He will also glare at anyone who dares look at them for a little too long, but honestly, he finds it pretty funny to watch) When Alex starts to look at Zach with a love sick look in his eyes, Jess will be there after school to listen and offer him comfort. 

So yeah, maybe opening up to people does help. Only a little, though.

(Okay, maybe  a lot . But don’t tell anyone he said that) 

~~~~~~~~~~

Four months.

He manages to keep his secret for a total of four months before the rest find out.

It’s a Thursday night and Alex is so, so tired. He’s on the phone with Clay, listening to him talk about some school project they have when he suddenly begins to feel petals building up in his throat. He ignores it, trying his best to stay quiet and listen to his friend, but eventually, he clears his throat, hoping he made it subtle 

Immediately the boy stops talking, “Alex? What’s wrong? Are the petals bothering you again? Do you want me to come over?” 

He’s about the respond, “I’m fi-“ but before he can even finish his sentence he starts coughing uncontrollably, a wave of spit and bright yellow petals falling past his lips as he feels himself choke and fall to the ground, dropping his phone in the process. Desperately, he reaches out for his phone as he hears Clay. 

“Alex!” He shouts, clearly alarmed, “Alex, are you okay? I’m coming over.” 

He gasps, “Help-“

His vision goes black. 

~~~~~~~~~~

At 10:47 pm, while Zach is studying for a test, he gets a phone call from Jess. Normally, if it were anyone else, he’d ignored it. But he knows that Jess rarely calls him, and when she does it’s usually because there’s an emergency. So, he clicks the accept button and brings the phone closer to him.

“Hello?”

“Zach?”

He’s automatically concerned when he hears the worried tone in her voice, “Jess? What’s wrong? Did anything happen?”

“It’s-it’s Alex. Something happened to him.”

He feels his blood run cold, “What?”

“He’s had hanahaki for a little over four months,” she continues on, “Clay and I have been helping him and kept it a secret, but apparently he passed out during a phone call with Clay, and now he’s being transported to the hospital room and the doctors say he might not make it and-“

He’s not listening, at least, not completely. It’s like his whole world just stopped and the only thing he can focus on is Alex. Something happened to Alex. Alex had hanahaki. Alex had hanahaki and  never told him.  Alex could die. 

“Where is he?” He demands, “Which hospital are you at?”

“I’ll text you the address.”

“I’ll be there in 15 minutes.”

“Hurry, please,” she begs, “Alex needs you.”

“And I need him just as much,” he thinks. 

~~~~~~~~~~

The hospital waiting room is dead silent. The rest of the group are sitting on a row of chairs next to each other. Zach is sitting on the chair that’s closest to the door and all he can focus on is Alex, his best friend. The person whose helped him become braver. The person who he can always turn to when he’s struggling. The person who makes him smile with his sarcastic jokes and banter. The person who he’s in love with. The person who-

Wait a minute. 

Love?

He loves Alex? 

He loves Alex.…

Well, that definitely explains everything he’s been feeling lately. 

And now all he can feel is anger and maybe a bit of jealousy towards Ale unrequited crush, because what kind of person couldn’t love Alex back and why does Ale like them so much? Quickly, he turns to Jess, who’s sitting on his right and asks, “Who does Alex love?”

She turns to look at him. She looks like a mess, still wearing her sleeping clothes and her eyes red from tears. “What?” 

“Who’s the person who doesn’t like him back? Where are they?”

She exchanges a worried look with Clay, “Should we-“

The boy sighs, “Why not? He might have to get the surgery anyway. There’s not much too lose.”

“Zach,” she stares at him with a serious look in her eyes, “Alex…he likes you.” 

What.

~~~~~~~~~~

When Alex wakes up, the first thing he realizes is that he’s definitely  not  in his bedroom, and the only thing he can remember is his conversation with Clay before passing out. The second thing he realizes is that he’s not alone. Zach and the rest of the group are all sitting around the room, talking with each other quietly, some of them noticing that Alex is awake. 

“He’s alive!” Someone, probably Justin, cheers. 

Immediately the rest of the group who haven’t noticed yet turn to Alex. Suddenly the room is filled with concerned voices and loud shouting as he’s surrounded by his friends. He can hear Clay and Tony scolding at him like angry parents, Justin asking him a ton of questions, Sheri offering him a bag of chips while the rest immediately run over to pull him him hug. Eventually, the talking stops, and Jess clears her throat.

“We should, you know,” she points to Zach, whose face is a little red from blushing, “Give you two some private time.”

The rest of the group turn to leave, until he hears the door click shut, and then it’s just the two of them. Zach gives him a sheepish grin, “So…”

And third thing he realizes, is that he can no longer feel any petals in his throat.

“Sorry for taking so long to realize.”

~~~~~~~~~~

** Zach: Guess which two people in this group chat have a date on Valentine’s Day :)))))) **

** Sheri:  FINALLY **

** Jess:  WOOOOOOO **

** Zach:  We can put our “tulips” together now **

** Alex:  pls stop with the flower puns oh my gosh **

** Tyler:  how long have you been dealing with the flower puns? **

** Alex:  Since Jess and Clay found out about it. **

** Jess:  Zach says he already has a gift planned out for the date **

** Tyler:  plot twist: he gives you a bouquet of sunflowers  **

** Alex:  pls don’t let it be sunflowers. i think I’ll actually die if I see those things again. **

** Justin:  it y’all took a year of pining and Alex almost dying for you two to get together smh **

** Tony:  Can’t relate. **

** Clay:  Well not everyone can have a cute and unproblematic relationship like yours **

** Justin:  except Jess and I :))) **

** Sheri:  ^^ LIES  **

** Tyler: [https://youtu.be/r3hTwsvJV_A](https://youtu.be/r3hTwsvJV_A) **

** Tony:  Don’t even get me started on you two **

** Clay:  Okay so now that everybody knows about Alex’s hanahaki, does anyone else have any secrets they would like to share? **

** Alex:  preferably not a life threatening disease please. **

** Justin:  nope  **

** Justin:  none at all **

** Clay:  Justin **

** Justin:  okay okay fine, so i have some stuff i wanna share **

** Justin:  somebody else has to go first though **

** Clay:  Okay **

** Clay:  So…it won’t be me  **

** Alex:  not it **

** Zach:  NOT IT **

** Tyler:  not it **

** Jess:  Not it.  **

** Tony:  Damn it. Okay fine.  **

** Tony:  I  used  to have a crush on Clay **

** Clay:  WAIT WHAT **

** Alex:  CFGHNMKLOUYWHAT **

** Tyler:  I swear I can hear Clay freaking out and I’m not even near him  **

** Justin:  i knew that already, next **

** Zach:  HOW THE HCK DID JUSTIN KNOW ABOUT THIS **

** Justin:  guess you could say I’m pretty observant **

** Jess:  That…makes a lot of sense, actually.  **

** Clay:  OUT OF ALL THE PEOPLE **

** Clay:  wait **

** Clay:  You didn’t like…get hanahaki, right? **

** Tony:  Heck no. Apparently only certain people get it.  **

** Alex:  lucky me.  **

** Tony:  Moving on…I think Sheri should go next **

** Sheri:  Okay. I have diary from when I was in middle school and sometimes I look back at in and cringe **

** Zach:  Don’t worry. We all do stupid things when we’re kids **

** Justin:  heck, I still do stupid things now.  **

** Clay:  ^^ We know.  **

** Justin:  stfu.  **

** Jess:  I have watched every single episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Sometimes a season a day.  **

** Tony:  Why is that actually kinda impressive though? **

** Clay:  Because it is. Binge watching involves lots of dedication.  **

** Justin:  ^^ Of course you would know  **

** Tyler:  I have an album in camera dedicated to ugly photos of you guys. They make great blackmail material **

** Alex:  pls send me some. my blackmail material is running out **

** Zach:  ^^ Lies. He has like, 100 photos of blackmail material. I’ve seen some. **

** Alex:  traitor.  **

** Zach:  Sometimes when we have sleepovers, Justin and I play grape basketball and then pretend we’re asleep when we’re done so Clay has to clean it up **

** Clay:  YOU WHAT? **

** Justin:  DUDE THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE OUR SECRET **

** Clay:  JUSTIN GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE SHI **

** Tony:  RIP Justin Foley **

** Tyler:  Again.  **

** ~~~~~~~~~~ **

** Justin:  our bedroom is now grape free **

** Clay:  Has everybody besides me and Justin told their secret already? **

** Tony:  Yep **

** Clay:  Alright. I’ll go. **

** Clay:  I considered Justin a brother even before he was officially adopted. **

** Zach:  Awww **

** Jess:  IM CRYIN THATS SO SWEET?!?! **

** Sheri: We love a healthy relationship  **

** Tyler:  literally they were fighting a few minutes ago and now Clay comes back all sweet with this what- **

** Alex:  okay that’s actually really cute **

** Clay:  Justin? **

** Clay:  Justin, why aren’t you responding?  **

** Tony:  Give him a moment. **

** Zach:  He’s probably tearing up right now **

** Justin:  sHUT UP. **

** Justin:  okay my secret **

** Justin:  i consider all of you guys my family and i actually don’t think I’d be alive without you all s o thanks for making me cry you jerks **

** Clay:  your welcome. **

** Justin:  shut up you’re tearing too I can see you right now. dont try to deny it. also you’re* **

** Clay:  Wasn’t denying it.  **

** Jess:  WE LOVE YOU TOO JUSTIN  **

** Sheri:  That’s not a secret but we’ll let it slide because that was really sweet **

** Tony:  Great now I’m tearing up too thanks. brb gotta wash my face.  **

** Zach:  GROUP HUG  **

** Alex:  zach we’re literally texting each other **

** Zach:  *VIRTUAL GROUP HUG **

** Sheri:  I’m feeling so many emotions rn oh my gosh I LOVE YOU GUYS TOO  **

** Tyler:  This group chat may be a disaster but I love you guys too, so thanks.  **

~~~~~~~~~~

** Justin:  okay so that emotional moment was really nice in all, but now I have to say my actual secret.… **

** Justin:  i bite my Kit Kat’s without breaking them **

** Clay:  JUSTIN  **

** Alex:  WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU **

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed reading. I also just realized this is my longest fic. Woah. Happy Valentine’s Day! ❤️


End file.
